Go Away!

No, not you.

Everyone else, though.

Everyone else in my everyday life, actually.

I was on the phone with my mother earlier and realized that I didn't want to be talking to her.  Then I realized I didn't want to talk to anyone.  Then, upon reflection, I realized that I just want to be left alone.  I turned down an invite to a bar w/one of my favorite people after work a couple of nights ago and didn't show up to a work party today.  Mostly because I just didn't want to deal with people.

Let's face it.  I'm not the most sociable person out there.  Years of shyness because of my weight has made me dread stepping foot outside about 50% of the time.  But lately, I've noticed that I'm not wanting to get out at all...even with people I genuinely like.  I don't want to talk to them on the phone, either.

I just want to be left alone.  In my little bubble, with my cats, wine, and a book.

I'm sure a doctor would say I'm depressed.  Perhaps.  But I honestly don't have $40 to spend at the moment to go get put on medication that will cost $50 to fill every month.

What I need is a solid week alone.

Here:

or here:

I imagine both would be wonderfully quiet and peaceful.  A week is all I ask.  I don't think that's unreasonable.  I wonder what it's like to have as much silence as you want, for however long you want.  What it's like to cater to yourself and only yourself for a few days.  No fighting over what to eat for dinner, scooping litter boxes, feeding animals....  

Alas, it is not to be.  Not in the foreseeable future anyway.  

So instead I shall go home after work, drink boxed wine, take swigs from the off-brand NyQuil bottle, and try to escape for just a few hours.